I Am The Very Model Of A Usenet Individual !!!!!! WB (Posted at Sonic HQ's Mobius Forum) Because vector has been at me FOREVER to find this: HERE Reposted again is I Am The Very Model Of A Usenet Individual! ^________^ Enjoy: The Newbie's Song (Based on the Major General's song from "The Pirates of Penzance", Gilbert & Sullivan). I am the very model of a Usenet individual, I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial, I know the basic elements of alien biology, And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology, I've seen "The Wrath of Khan" and every Star Trek film that followed it, I moan about my Service card and how the cash till swallowed it, About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast, With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST! ALL: With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST! I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama, And why the USA is still a better place than Canada, In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, I am the very model of a Usenet individual! ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, He is the very model of a Usenet individual! I post in alt.revisionism lies about the Holocaust, I cut my sig to twenty lines, I didn't want to, I was forced, I really can't believe the "Good Times" virus to be mythical, And Clinton's raising taxes which is, frankly, bloody typical! I've upset several people on alt.flame, I really don't know how, And sent a thousand business cards to Mr. and Mrs. Shergold now, I have a very poor grip of political geography, And absolutely no involvement (yet!) in child pornography, ALL: And absolutely no involvement (yet!) in child pornography! I've paid two-fifty dollars for the Nieman-Marcus recipe, And told the Spanish tourist's tale about the toothbrush pessary, In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, I am the very model of a Usenet individual! ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, He is the very model of a Usenet individual! In fact, when I know what is meant by "binary" and "FTP", When I know how to decode porno JPEGs from a .uue, When I can handle HTML, Telnet, mail and IRC, And when I know the words initialised to form "http",When I have learnt what topics are acceptable in talk.bizarre, When I know more of Usenet than the tailpipe of a motor-car, In short, when I've a smattering of elementary netiquette, You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net. ALL: You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net. or my technical experience, although I claim to know it all Could barely serve to run the installation disk from AOL; But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, I am the very model of a Usenet individual! ALL: But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial, He is the very model of a Usenet individual !!! ^__^ THANK YOU THANK YOU! And be sure to check out the sequel posted below! ----- ----- I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Teenage Cyberpunk Posted by WB (Posted at Ken's MB) AND NOW Because I am bored YET AGAIN ^______^ ***boots Ken Penders and Bob R off a cliff*** We present to you "I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk" based loosely off "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General" from the HMS Pinafore. Adieu ^___^ : ****** I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk I rent my own apartment and it's full of electronic junk I own a VAX, 486, I've even got a PDP I've finished Myst and Doom but I am stumped by Wing Commander III I'm very well aquainted too with matters pornographical I have a list of image sites, both overseas and national So if you want to see a picture of that Anna Nichole Smith I'll fire up my terminal and fetch for you a naughty GIF I'm totally an anarchist, the government I'd like to wreck, Though if they were to get blown up, who'd give to me my welfare cheque? In short if you need answers that concern your electronic junk, I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk I know the ancient myths about RTM, Pengo and Mitnick I 'hack' into computers and I then perform a credit check I scare all my non-hacker friends with tales of cracker theivery and even though I'm spouting crap they'll listen and believe in me I've learned to spot a troll and I've seen flames about the way I spell, I've traced badly forged cancels and seen napalm poured on AOL I've laughed at all the newbies and their flailing cries of "You all Suck!" I've been flamed by Carasso, with an anvil I have then been struck I've hung around in alt.tasteless and seen war waged on rec.pets.cats I've spent my time in talk.bizarre and used those stupid Relay Chats In short, if you need answers that concern your electronic junk, I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk Well postings like "MAKE.MONEY.FAST", I am now somewhat wary at, I have been "Global Killfiled" by the Joel Furr Commissariat, When rosebud posts a lengthy rant 'bout Microsoft she swears is true, I know that she is just another short lived kook without a clue When I have learnt what progress has been made upon the Internet, When I know something more than just a smattering of netiquette, In short when I can have a world-wide soapbox on which I can stand I've got no time for other things, like beer and trips to Disneyland My life outside the Internet is very very sad you see I cannot get my spots to fade, my social life's a tragedy, But still if you need answers that concern your electronic junk, I am the very model of a modern teenage Cyberpunk. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ^__^ I accept all checks major credit cards and American Express ^__^ **takes a bow*** ----- -----