Sonic the Hedgehog Presents: The State of the Comic Address! Posted by Chordsy on April 06, 2001 You know, you dig up the most interesting scripts when you flip through the submissions box at Archie.. Just look at what they have planned for an upcoming issue.. Dear God, I hope it all fits on one post.. =^_^= "Sonic the Hedgehog Presents: The State of the Comic Address" Written by: (smudged beyond readability) --Opening panel, we see SONIC standing behind a podium. The Seal of the Kingdom of Acorn is clearly visible on the front. Sonic: "Hey kids, Sonic the Hedgehog here to talk to you about something important: Your money. Or, more probably, your folks' money.."* *(this would be the pink box in the corner)--This is assuming you didn't steal this issue.. If you did steal it, return it to the store immediately! -JF --Next panel, close-up on Sonic's face. Sonic: "That's right, gang! The hard working staff at Archie has noticed a few questions popping up. The most important being: Why am I still buying these books? Why should I continue to shell out the bucks for this $#!%?" * *-- $#!% is a bad word we can't print. It isn't an actual word. We repeat, it isn't an actual word! Please for the love of God, don't send us Sonic Grams asking what $#!% is, or what it means.. PLEASE?! -JF Sonic: "Hey, Chill out, JF!" *--Sorry..-JF --Sonic clearing his throat Sonic: "Ehem.. Well, for the answer to that question, let's see what we have in store for our trip into the next hundred issues!" --Sonic walking away from the podium to join MINA, standing to his left. Sonic: "First off, you may have noticed the relationship forming between Mina Mongoose and I. Que pasa, 'goose-girl?" Mina: "Hiya Sonic!" (whispered: So this is what they're paying us for now-- public service announcements..?) Sonic: (Just look cute. I'll explain over lunch..) --We now see SALLY, talking on a cell phone, to Sonic's right. Sonic: "Now, some of you may be wondering what happened to Princess Sally.. Well Sal, care to explain?" Sally: "Uh huh..uh..hang on.. Not now Sonic! I'm networking!...Okay, you said what? Voice acting? Uh huh, both twins on a show featuring a cast of..babies?...Or the part of the mom on a show about a child genius?...Who writes this stuff?" --Sonic appears dumbfounded, Mina just shrugs Sonic: "Oooh-kay.. looks like we'll have to wait to clear that up.. Um.. oh yes.. About Mina's speed.." --Full body shot of Mina Sonic: "As you can plainly see, Mina is a mongoose. Mongooses are fa...Heeeeey!" Mina: "What?" --Close up of Sonic scratching his head. Sonic: "Mongooses--is that right?" Mina: "Actually, I always thought it was mongEESE" Sonic: "No wait.. this was a Trivial Pursuit question...I should know this.." --Mina and Sonic together, debating. Mina: "Did you answer it right?" Sonic: "I think so.." Mina: "What did you answer?" Sonic: "No, maybe I was wrong.." --Mina pointing Mina: "Can we get a dictionary in here?" --The dictionary is thrown in. Mina: "Thanks..Aha! Mongoose....Plural is...Mongooses.. " Sonic: "Aaah... Well, that answers that question..Moving on.." --Sonic picking up a comic from a stack of roughly a hundred million. Sonic: "A few questions have been raised as far as continuity. Some of you have accused us of being more focused on new plots rather than the established ones. I can assure you, all these accusations are false. We always adhere to the highest standards of continuity possible. Observe this recent issue.. --Sonic reads the comic aloud. Sonic: "Come on Tails! Bring the Holy Grail and lets get out of here! Nate Morgan is hunting us down!" Mina: "Nate Morgan..?" Sonic: "Uhm... Hmm.. Nate must have been brainwashed this issue or some.." --Sonic is quite angry. Sonic: "Why is Tails outrunning me on this panel..?" Mina: "Must be an artist fluke.." Sonic: "I'm telling him to wait up for me!" Mina: "Oh...." --Sonic tosses the comic aside. Sonic: "Well, that's probably the first and last time a mess-up like that ever happened...Moving on..." --Sally dances by in a tutu, and is now using a banana to do her networking.. --Sonic holding a folded up piece of paper. Sonic: "As far as the Ultimate Villain question, you'll be relieved to know that the choices have finally been narrowed down...slightly.. You may find it difficult to figure out just who the "UV" is, but you can at least have fun guessing. The picture I'm holding will show you the remaining suspects. --Sonic holds up a picture of Knuckles. Sonic: "Getting any ideas yet?" --Sonic folds the picture up. Sonic: "When it comes to out-of-character acting*, let me assure you that our goals are to provide a cast who is completely in-character*. *--Sometimes referred to as OOC and IC respectively. Ha! You thought you were rid of me, didn't you?! -JF --Sonic holds up a chart. Sonic: "We feel the problem here lies in the confusion of an OOC atmosphere and one which may not really fit the definition of OOC.." --Close up of the chart which reads: IC, AIC, IIC, NIC, OOC. Sonic: "IC is in-character. The characters act like they were meant to, completely following established model sheets. AIC is aside-in-character, which means the character is just taking an aside to talk to the audience.. Not quite IC, but it sometimes moves the story along better, or at least allows for some mondo cool jokes. IIC is invite-in-character. The characters are sitting around, waiting for something to happen. Usually they're IC, but not involved with the plot just yet, which means you might catch them NIC.. NIC is not-in-character. The character isn't Out-of-character, but they're not in-character either.. It's very different from OOC, though.. trust me.. NIC covers just about 90% of the atmosphere in recent issues. OOC is of course, out of character. You will never see a character featured in an Archie comic who is truly and completely out-of-character. --Mina standing to Sonic's left. Mina: "But, what about this issue? You don't sound very IC to me, Sonic.." Sonic: "Pft.. I saaaaiiiid mondo cool, didn't I?" Mina: "I...guess.." --Sonic and Mina smiling. Sonic: "That concludes our Q&A. Remember fans, if you have any rants and raves, send them to Sonic Grams! We're waiting to hear you &!%@#! * *--Another word we can't print.. Don't ask us about this one either, kids! I