Spoiled Sports
Story by Don Heckman
Transcribed by MoKat

Opening scene: Camera opens on a shot of Earth, then pans right until it settles on a small, orange planet.  Camera shifts to planetside shots, then zooms in on an arena while an announcer speaks.
ANNOUNCER: The planet Clordz(?) is honored to welcome athletes from all over the universe, to the annual Galaxy Games!
[Camera shows various athletes, including Ace, entering the arena's palying field.  Camera then switches to a shot of Space Marshal Vaugh (SMV) in the stands, talking to reporters.]
SMV: No doubt about it, this is the best team Earth's ever had.  
RANDOM REPORTER: But can you win the gold?
[Camera switches to the field.  Ace is in the lead, marching around while holding a flag with a picture of Earth on it.]
SMV: With Space Ace, how can we lose?
[Camera goes to a close-up on Ace.  Ace transforms into his younger self...and quits marching.  Laughter is heard.  Two aliens (who look like blue, biped rhinos) holding a banner as they march come by and Dexter gets caught up in the banner.]
DEXTER: Hey!  Wait a minute, guys!
[They don't seem to hear him.  The banner acts as a slingshot, which sends Dexter flying through the air.]
DEXTER: Whoa-oa-oa-oa!
[Dexter lands in Vaughn's box in the stands, right in front of Vaughn.  The Space Marshal slaps himself on the forehead.]
SMV: Dexter?!  What are -you- doing out there?  Where is Space Ace?
DEXTER(stalling): Uh, Space Ace?
[Vaughn picks up his communicator and presses some buttons; atfter the static clears up, we see Kimberly's head.]
SMV: Officer Kimberly, what is that little brother of yours doing here on the playing field?
KIMBERLY (via communicator): I-I-I...I don't know, sir.  You left me here to watch Space Command headquarters.  
[Dexter uses this opportunity to sneak away.]
KIMBERLY: If I were there competing, like Space Ace, maybe I could help.
{Oooh...did I hear a resentful tone there?  Props to Nancy, especially if the script didn't specify that as intended delivery for that line ^.^}
[Ace transforms back to normal just as he's about to leave the box.  He taps SMV on the shoulder.]
ACE: Were you looking for me, Marshal Vaughn?
SMV: *mumbles* Uh, nevermind, Officer Kimberly. Carry on.  Over and out.
SMV (to Ace): There you are, Space Ace.  Just get out there and win the gold for planet Earth.
[Camera goes to a close-up of Ace, who gives Vaughn a salute.]

[Scene change: Planet Earth.  Camera zooms in on Space Command.]
KIMBERLY (off-camera): I think all the action's going on at the Galaxy Games.
[Camera goes to an interior shot of Space Commands's Control Room, then pans right until it stops on Kimberly, who is seated in front of a huge screen.  A light-blue robot is standing next to her.]
KIMBERLY: All security screens are clear, Gyro.  *presses some square buttons*
[The robot makes some noises.]
KIMBERLY: Sure, Gyro.  "Hot dogs" sounds great.  I might as well watch the games in style.
KIMBERLY (while Gyro is leaving): Well, best of luck out there, Space Ace.

[Scene change: Borf's base.]
LIZARD-LIKE ALIEN: It's absolutely true, Commander Borf.  Earth defenses have been left in control of Officer Kimberly.
BORF: Officer Kimberly?  Alone?  *laughs*
BORF:  Fools.  Now is my chance to take over Space Command.  
BORF: La Grin!  Prepare the "special" Buzzer.
BORF (aside to audience): It'll be like taking candy from a baby.

[Scene change: back to the Galaxy Games.]
BIG ALIEN DUDE: Why bother, Sapce Ace?  You're no competition for -me-.  *zooms past Ace on some kind of hoverboard*
[Ace pulls ahead, flips around the big alien, and takes the lead.]
ACE: I'll just have to do my best to keep up, Bashox.
[Camera switches back to Kim, who is watching the action.]
KIMBERLY: Alright, Space Ace!  Show him how it's done!
[A red light flashes on Kim's control panel while an alert sounds.  Kim presses a button, then glides her chair over to a radar screen.]
KIMBERLY: Eh, it's only a big bird flying through our airspace.  No problem.  *goes back to watching the games*
[Camera switches to an outside view of Space Command, as the Buzzer flies toward it.]
LA GRIN (off-screen): Ingenious, Excellence.
[Camera switches to an interior view of the Buzzer.]
LA GRIN: Your electronic bird image is fooling Space Command radar.
BORF: Think of it, La Grin; planet Earth will soon be mine!

[Scene change: inside Space Command, some time later.  Borf peaks out from under a floor cover, moves said cover aside, then leaps out.  La Grin floats up out of the hole.]
BORF: First, we get rid of that feeble Kimberly.
[Gyro comes around a corner and comes to a complete stop when it sees La Grin.  The hot dogs Gyro was carrying keep on going...until they splatter all over the orange 'bot.]
LA GRIN: Yech!  
[Gyro makes a noise, then zooms away.]
LA GRIN: Flying hot dogs!  This is a very peculiar planet indeed!  *flies away*
[Camera switches to Kimberly, who is still in the Control Room watching the games.]
KIMBERLY: Let's go, Space Ace!  
[Gyro enters the room and presses a button on the control panel.]
KIMBERLY: Gyro!  I'm watching Space Ace!  
[Gyro gestures toward the screen, which switches from the games to a shot of Borf and La Grin.]
KIMBERLY: What?! *stands up*
KIMBERLY: Borf?  Here?  Inside Space Command?  *grabs a blaster*
BORF (off-screen): Officer Kimberly!
[Camera pans left (as Kim points the blaster in that direction) to reveal Borf coming through the door.]
KIMBERLY: Borf!
[La Grin fires at Gyro.  Gyro dodges the blasts.
KIMBERLY: Watch out, Gyro!
[A blast hits the shelf behind them, causing a support pole to fall, knocking the blaster out of Kim's hand.]
BORF: We'll just have to tuck you away somewhere while we take over Space Command.
[Kim has grabbed the pole and brandishes it like a bo staff.]
BORF: Don't exert yourself!  The whole Earth is about to fall into my hands!
KIMBERLY (defiantly): Not while -I'm- here, it's not!
[Kim uses the pole to vault over Borf.]
BORF: Grab her, La Grin!
KIMBERLY: I'll just grab La Grin instead.  
[Kim uses the pole to fling the orange 'bot out of the room.]
LA GRIN: Eeeyowowow!  *lands off-screen, with a loud crash*
BORF: So, you're going to be a spoiled sport about this, eh?  *chases Kimberly*
{We have title, folks ;) }
[Gyro recovers, pulls itself out of the rubble, and flies to Kim's side;  Gyro sends Borf spinning en route.]
BORF: Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa-oa-oa!
[Kim exits left, through the same door she had earlier flung La Grin.  A few reddish blasts prove that the orange 'bot is still in this fight.]
KIMBERLY: So, you wanna play rough, eh?  Well two can play -that- game.
BORF: La Grin!  After her!
[We see Borf and La Grin closing in on Kim, with Gyro bringing up the rear.]
BORF: La Grin!  Hurry!  Sieze her, I say!
[Kim pulls a communicator (out from -where-?!?) and tries to reach Ace.]
KIMBERLY: HQ to Space Ace, this is Kimberly.  Come In.  It's urgent!
[END OF ACT 1]

[BEGIN ACT 2]
[Kim is still managing to keep ahead of Borf and La Grin inside Space Command.]
KIMBERLY (to communicator): Space Ace!  Space Ace!
[Camera switches to the arena.]
KIMBERLY (through Ace's wrist-mounted communicator): This is Kim!  Come in!
ACE: Kim, I'm in the middle of a competition here.  Don't bother me now.  Over and out.
BASHOX: Move aside, Space Ace...
[The big alien presses a button on his vaulting pole; a hook pops out of the tip.  Bashox places the hook on Ace's shorts, then releases the pole.]
ACE: Hey!  What's going on, Bashox?
BASHOX: I'm going on, Space Ace; right past you.

[Scene change: back inside Space Command HQ.  One of La Grin's blasts misses Kimberly.]
LA GRIN: We've got them now, your greatness!
{And how do ya figure -that-, shocky-butt?}
[Kimberly uses the pole to propell her ahead...and toward a chute.]
KIMBERLY: Not quite!
[Kimberly lands on a laundry cart at the bottom of the chute.  Apparently, this area is Space Command's laundry room.]  {Gotta keep those white uniforms clean -somehow- :D }

[Scene change: back to Ace (and Bashox) in the Galaxy Games.  Ace transforms into his youger self...and the pole pulls his shorts down to his ankles.  Apparently he wears white boxers with red polka-dots on 'em ^.^]
{I see London, I see France...I see Dexter's underpants! :O}
DEXTER: Look out below-oh-oh!  *lands on top of Bashox*
BASHOX: Oof!  Hey!  Get lost, kid.  *looks up toward the sky, with a hand shielding his eyes*
BASHOX: Where Ace?  *sinks into the landing mat*

[Scene change: back inside Space Command HQ.  Kim opens a door and peeks out.]
KIMBERLY: Yoo-hoo!  I'm over here, Borfy!
[We see Borf coming.  Kim moves away from the door and presses a big, red button on the nearest machine.  She then ducks out of sight.]
BORF: Alright!  Where are you?  You will not escape -me-, you lightweight!
[Kim steps out and leans on the machine.]
KIMBERLY: Nor will you escape -me-, you heavyweight!
{Okay, I nominate that exchange for "dumbest dialogue in the script"....}
BORF: Aaaargh!  *charges at Kim*
[Kimberly grabs a red sheet and waves it like a matador's cape.]
KIMBERLY: Olé, el Borf-o! 
[Kim dodges and Borf's momentum sends him into the industrial-sized washing machine (with the red sheet covering, and blinding, him).]
BORF: Whoa-oa-oa!
[The washing machine spits him out; Borf staggers around with the red sheet still covering most of him.]
LA GRIN: A ghost!  *zips out of the room*
KIMBERLY (trying the communicator again): Space Ace, come in.  There's a small problem here.
{?!? Since when was Borf a -small- problem ?!?}
[Camera switches to the arena, where we see some kind of track laid out.]
ACE: Small problem?  What's with you?  -I've- got problems.  Don't call me during the games, Kimmie.
[Bashox dives at Ace, but Ace dodges.  Bashox falls off the track.]
BASHOX: Whoa-oa-oa!
[Ace lands and the crowd cheers.]
BASHOX: Just wait, hot shot.  The Speed-Cycle event is gonna be all mine!
[Camera switches back to Kim (inside HQ).]
KIMBERLY: Space Ace and his stupid games!  This is riddiculous!
BORF: You'll pay for this!
[Borf approaches Kim, but Gyro gets between them.  Kim exits to the right as Borf kicks Gyro out of the way.  Kim pulls a lever, which opens a small set of doors in the wall.]
KIMBERLY: Just keep coming, Borf.  I dare you!
[Borf leaps ather, but Kim dodges.  Borf screams as he lands in the hole in the wall.  He twists around to face Kim.]
KIMBERLY: You're little invasion is -over-, Borf!
BORF: Not quite!  *grabs Kim*
[Kim and Borf both scream as they slide down the chute, which seems to lead to a huge vat of hot water.]
BORF & KIM: Whoa-oa-oa!
LA GRIN: Lift!
[La Grin and Gyro grab the end of the chute; they bend it upward to keep the duo out of hot water (literally).  Borf eventually lands in a 4-wheeled vehicle; Kim lands in his lap.  Borf grabs Kim.]
KIMBERLY: Let me go, Borf!  *smacks him in the head (repeatedly) with her fist*
BORF (ignoring Kim): What a stupendous attack ship!  It will be perfect for my conquest of Earth!  *drives the vehicle toward a huge, green spaceship*
[Kimberly pulls out her communicator.]
{Where does she keep that thing?!?}
KIMBERLY: Space Ace, come in!  It's getting real serious here!

[Scene change: back at the Galaxy Games.  Apparently, the Speed-Cycles event is a lot like polo played while riding scooters o.O;]
ACE: And things aren't serious here?  I'm about to win the gold medal for Earth, Kim.  Over and out.
BASHOX: Take -that-, Space Ace!
ACE: I'll take it...*smacks the ball with his mallet*
ACE: ...and give it back, Bashox!
[The ball sails right at Bashox, knocking him off of his scooter.  The crowd cheers as Bashox falls to the ground.]
BASHOX: Ooof!  *groans*
[The ball hits Bashox's goal.]
CROWD: Space Ace!  Space Ace!
CROWD: Space Ace!  Space Ace!
SMV (waving from the stands): Top performance, Space Ace!  First rate!
[Ace waves to the crowd with both hands, clrealy enjoying the moment.  The crowd cheers.]

[Scene change: Kim is struggling with Borf over control of the 4-wheeled vehicle.]
KIMBERLY: You're not touching that spaceship, Borf!
[The vehicle crashes into a set of mobile stairs.  Borf is thrown out of the vehicle.]
BORF: *screams as the stairs carry him away*
BORF: La Grin!  Where are you, you fool?
[La Grin is busy exchanging blasts with Gyro.  Kimberly picks up a gun-like device and points it at the stairs.]
KIMBERLY: You don't really need those stairs, Borf.
[A projectile launches from the device and knockes the stairs out from under Borf's feet.  Borf flails and falls.]
{Is it just my imagination, or did that scene reek of BS&P interference?}
BORF: Eeeeyow-ow!
[La Grin catches his Commander.]
BORF: It's about time!  Quick!  Into the ship!
KIMBERLY: Not so fast.  Here's a couple of missiles with both your names on them!
[Kim presses a button; 2 chambers open.  Borf and La Grin scramble away, then hastily leave in the Buzzer; a pair of missiles follow close behind.]
BORF: Get us out of here!
BORF: Faster, you fool!
[Camera switches to Kimberly and Gyro.  Gyro makes a noise.]
KIMBERLY: Those missiles will escort them home.  We did it, Gyro.  We did it!

[Scene shift: in the Control Room, probably sometime later.  Kim is sitting in her chair, in front of the control panel.  Ace walks into the shot.]
ACE: Kim!  I did it!  It was really rough, but I did it.
[Kim turns her chair around to face him.  Vaughn walks into the shot.]
SMV: Space Ace won the gold, Officer Kimberly!
[Camera goes to a close-up on Kim.]
KIMBERLY: So I see.
[Camera switches to Ace.]
ACE: It -was- tough.  You're lucky you had it so soft back here at HQ.
[Kim enters the shot.]
KIMBERLY: Ha!  Right.
[Camera reveals a big mess all over the place.]
ACE: Uh, everything okay back here?
KIMBERLY: Oh, no problem I couldn't take care of.  Right Gyro?
[Gyro makes a noise.]
KIMBERLY: I just -love- soft jobs.
[Camera fades to black.]

***End of Transcript***